THE AUSTIN
BOOK
OF THE DEAD
Neil Meili
CONTENTS
Austin
Dodo Bird
Dad and Roy
Father’s Poem
The Twinkle
Hillman
Judy
The First Supper
Feeding the Soul at Vargos
Debbie Oh Debbie
For Debbie and Dad *
Debbie – Six Months Later
The Uncaged Bird
Louis and Suzanne
Native American Pow Wow!
Becoming
East of Kundalini
*Written by Carolyn Meili
Copyright 1999
Heres a little one
that may help you in your livin
Death can only take from you
that which you have not givin
AUSTIN
My daughter Patricia
meets a young man in Austin
He tells her a story
about the time he decided to end it all
Walking home from buying the gun
he meets a woman on the street
She smiles at him as they pass
He throws the gun away
DODO BIRD
The Dodo bird used to live on
Mauritius Island in the Indian Ocean
just a little bit east of the African coast
Being too big and dumb
to move fast, hide well, or taste bad
the Dodo bird did not survive human contact
Shortly after the Dodo became extinct
all the large beautiful trees on the island
were seen to be heading for extinction as well
You see the trees dropped their nuts
and the Dodo birds ate those nuts
and they digested those nuts
and fertilized those nuts
And they dropped those nuts
and only then could they germinate
and grow into those big beautiful trees
And those trees were the only homes
for hundreds of kinds of birds and bugs
and moss and a thousand living things
The world is in a grain of sand you know
and sometimes that whole world can depend
on the shit of a Dodo
DAD AND ROY
Dad and Roy were the best of friends
they drank and fought and played
and laughed like nobody laughed
for fifty years and more
Dad had a room in the nursing home
way down at the end of the hall
when Roy was admitted as well
a nurse wheeled him down that hall
They sat footrest to footrest a minute
then Roy said “So its come to this”
and they both had a hell of a laugh
Dad dies in late December
Roy lasted three months more
They are buried twenty feet apart
in the prairie town where they played
I can see them there now
sitting on their shiny new stones
having a smoke and a chew
and a good pull on a forty of rye
Roy says “So its come to this”
and they both have a hell of a laugh
FATHER’S POEM
My father’s poem
did not come down to us on paper
He was eight years old when his mother died
his youngest brother not yet three
They say he adopted the care
of the sweet sad child
and told him a story each night
Night after night after night
New stories he made up each night
And he would gather him up in the story
and hold him there
until he slept
THE TWINKLE
(Eulogy at fathers funeral)
There is a thing about light
no matter where it starts it never stops
even if it takes a million years
to get from the twinkling stars to here
There was a twinkle in the eyes of this man
A twinkle of innocent mischief and inner joy
greeting every man and woman
every girl and boy
When you saw it you knew that he liked you
and never doubted that you’d like him too
AND HE WAS RIGHT
Because there is a thing about light
A million years from now
and no one knows how far
they will see it on some star
HILLMAN
A shadow on the wall in Hiroshima
ashes on a lake in Austin
Donna looks over the side of the boat
and cries as they drift
because she cannot she his face in the ashes
She might also have looked
for 81 years from China Sea to here
for the feet of the best dance she ever knew
the graceful movements of Tai Chi
the hands of massage
and the mind and heart of a poet
The ashes drift to the banks and bottom of Lake
Austin
All that remains are the shadows on our minds and
hearts
And the walls of Hiroshima
JUDY
Judy was a beauty
tall and blond and shy
early this month she decided to die
The soft wise eyes, the curling lashes
all now ashes
We have been friends for twenty years
hugs and coffee when in town, cards when far away
And always the latest poetry
She said it was important, and it touched her
in places nothing and no one else could reach
Three years ago
I put my neck in a green eyed noose
I sent no cards, I did not call
I do not know if I could have saved her
although touch and poetry have been known to
I only know that I hate what I did and didn’t do
I only know that she drowned out there alone
I only know it was a long time since I had thrown her a line
THE FIRST SUPPER
As above so below
In a life between lives
I sit at a table of light
Set like Da Vinci’s last supper
A table of light lined with people of light
The one in the center the brightest of light
Takes a knife all of light and cuts an arm all of light
The slice of his flesh drips red with his blood
(the only color in the picture of light)
To each at this table he offers
The gift of his flesh to the people of light
(the only color in the picture of light)
One by one they have a choice
not a last supper, but a first
By accepting the gift of his flesh
(the only color in the picture of light)
They come to this Earth
their own gifts to give
FEEDING THE SOUL AT VARGOS
(for Debbie)
The soul is fed in many ways
Walking
on a sunny Easter Sunday
in Vargos gardens with the one you love
Marveling as peacocks surround us
and salute that love
Meeting by chance
your surgeon ally in the cancer fight
Sitting by the window
breaking bread in gratitude for all
DEBBIE OH DEBBIE
Debbie oh Debbie
are you thinking of going away
because no one ever asked you
hard enough to stay
Debbie oh Debbie
were you always so beautiful strong
that no one ever thought to carry you along
Debbie oh Debbie
the brave wolf that still shows it’s throat
and bleeds inside of it’s coat
Debbie oh Debbie had we but loved
less wisely, but more well
who can tell who can tell
Debbie oh Debbie
are you thinking of going away
because I never asked you hard enough to stay
FOR DEBBIE AND DAD
As America reeled
in it’s new found vulnerability
It’s myths exploding over and over
on wide screen T.V.
You found a friend
perhaps the only one I have ever seen
who demanded your best
but not your sympathy
Now, in her absence
we discover our own vulnerability
and the strength in it
I watched the moon tonight
and she is full
Being among us
(Written by my daughter Carolyn, who met Debbie
a week before her death. She said she had never
made and lost a friend so fast)
DEBBIE – SIX MONTHS LATER
How can I write of your death
and writing make it real
how can I not and ever hope to heal
How can I write of the crab
without a hatred more than buzzard red
who will at least not eat you till you’re dead
How can my heart and hands be empty
with fullness of the gifts I cannot give
How can it be you do not live
How like a vampire do I walk the night
and in a mirror no reflection se
Without a you where is the me
THE UNCAGED BIRD
(For Maya Angelou)
Sometimes we read
because we cannot not, because we need
to find that one story, one friend
one note of truth
Sometimes a young girl, repeatedly abused
hides
“I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings”
under her mattress
And keeps on living because
she takes it out after he has gone
and talks to Maya, who understands
LOUIS AND SUZANNE
Suzanne gets cancer
she gets cancer real bad
The doctors get out their big guns
They wage war with everything they’ve got
The cancer laughs at the doctors
It breaks out on many new fronts
The doctors, defeated, suggest surrender
Louis and Suzanne got to Mexico instead
Suzanne drinks fresh juice and does cleanses
Louis quits his job and takes care of Suzanne
Suzanne gets well
Louis takes care of many people
He took care of people in asbestos mines
For years he has not slept well
and he does not breath well in the mornings
The doctors are treating him for sleep apnea
Early this year he has a bad cough
The doctors do X rays, Louis has cancer
Too much asbestos, ten years growing
It is too late for the doctors, or Mexico
Louis dies, life is funny
NATIVE AMERICAN POW
There is a legend in Africa
It says that you cannot ever really
kill a people and take over their land
Because their souls
will be reborn in
your children
WOW!
BECOMING
When it comes to becoming butterflies
only one rule applies
Nothing hard my be taken
For the caterpillar packing
for beauty and flight
Nothing hard may be taken
For she must first become liquid
and only then light
Nothing hard may be taken
EAST OF KUNDALINI
Let in the love and give it when you can
See the pain and relieve it where you can
Get into religions and beyond them if you can
Follow all the Gurus and pass them if you can
Dive into each teaching for all the essence there
And strip and strip and strip until you’re bare
But keep my friends I pray a little sense of fun
For when the doings and undoings are all done
and the living and the dyings are all done
Somewhere East of Kundalini
The sun will rise and You will be the sun
Back cover quote:
What have I ever
lost by dying
Rumi